Last week

Last week, FINALLY!!!!  No, he isn't coming even though that is the only way this week could be better but it is the last week of school.  The kids are counting the days.  They are more excited than the last week of their school.  But this also means it is finals week which is always stressful.  Four days and the to do list is fairly simple this time: 3 message boards, 1 quiz, 1 social responsibility assignment, 1 research power point, 1 final in management, 1 management assignment, and an extra credit assignment where I tracked how much time I spent in the class.  That leaves me with 9 items.  I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

Golf

Dear grandpa, I have an kid that is totally into golf.  She could use some of your golf knowledge and wisdom. I can't say that I learned anything about the game during those many early trip to the golf course. But then again, they were never about golf. Miss you!

The oldest one had golf camp today and I can't help but think of my grandpa.  I spent the majority of my life about an hour away from both sets of grandparents.  My favorite memory is spending the mornings at the golf course with my grandpa.  He would go out at dawn and water the lawns and mow.  He would come home in the late morning, have lunch, and then return in the afternoon to play.  Being the oldest granddaughter, I believe I was the first one that got to go with him.  He let us drive the golf cart and then we could drive his truck home.  Even though he never said it, it was his bonding time with each of his granddaughters.  For that moment he made us all feel special and like we were his favorite.  As much as I wish I had that one last time with him on the golf course, I will never forget the moments we had.

Being in the military, many miles have divided us from any sort of family.  Even when we do travel to see them, none of them live close to each other.  It is completely different than how both of us were raised.  It is a rare moment to get one set of family together.  For better or worse, I know my kids won't have the same kind of relationship with their grandparents.  My hope is that they have their own sort of memories and bonding experiences.

The little one

The little one is a funny, out going, and very lovable kid, once you get to know her.  Getting to know her is the hard part.  To strangers she can be shy and reserved.  She doesn't open up as easily as the other one.  She has always tended to cling in new situations.  And once you get to know her you would never guess she could be shy.   
I think our last couple weeks of hectic lifestyle has caught up with her.  She cried everyday this week at camp even though she begged to go all week.  I couldn't blame it on a new environment because she knew everyone there.  That leaves myself to blame.  We have very little down time since school got out.  I feel like we bounce from one activity to another.  In one way it has been good, we have done lots and they have had a fun summer.  In other ways it has been hard.  We haven't spent much time as a family.  Our downtime, I have spent it working on school.  I have always had time for just the two of us but lately I haven't.
Tomorrow morning, I plan on taking her to breakfast.  I hope this little bit helps.  We have two weeks left and then our schedule should slow down.  My mom voice is screaming but I can't give up yet.  We will all pull through this. 

Not what I planned

I have three weeks of school left and I trying my hardest to hold on and make it through.  Yesterday morning I woke up stressed.  I had a mid-term that I needed to finish and two assignments that I had spent the majority of Friday working on and made no progress to finish as well.  After I got up, I got the kids breakfast, and jumped in the shower.  I came out and the little one (who was perfectly fine 10 minutes prior) was very dramatically throwing herself on my bed complaining of her stomach hurting.  I went downstairs to sit with her on the couch and get to work.  Hoping that if I rubbed her back she would calm down and everything would be better.  No sooner did I sit down she started to throw up all over the living room floor.  Of course they always happen to pick the time when the floor is in no way clean but it didn't get on anything else but the blanket.  I got her to the bathroom and started to clean up the mess.  I pulled out the steam cleaner, fill the basin with hot water, and started pouring in the cleaning solution.  About a cup into the solution, I realize that the plug was broke and now all of it is all over the counter and the floor.  Excellent, I needed something else to clean up. It took a while but I got it all cleaned up with the help from the neighbor's steam cleaner.  She settled down and watched tv for a while.  In a matter of hours she was back to bouncing off the walls and being her normal self. 
That afternoon, I took the kids to the pool since the oldest had a pool party to go to.  After a few hours we returned home, had dinner, and I sat back down to get to work.  I spent a few hours working when the laptop locked up.  It was 9 pm and I was two thirds of the way done.  I didn't really need anything else to go wrong during my day but it would have been too much to ask for the night to go right.  Finally, I redid the lost work and finished up about 11:15 for the mid-term that was due at midnight. 
I know I have abused the daylights out of my laptop.  I have had it for four years and it is on its last leg.  I am surprised it has lasted this long.  I am surprised I have lasted this long.  It has been exhausting but at the same time very much worth it.  If I can hold on for three more weeks, I will be done.  I am just hoping the laptop and the kids can hold on for the last three weeks too. 

Lazy summer days?

There has been nothing lazy about our summer so far.  The kids have had camp, vacation bible school, gymnastics camp, swim lessons, and birthday parties.  Then there has been bar-b-ques, sleep overs, movies, the pool, friends over, and me some how squeezing in school.  Through all of our madness, I miss him more than before.  I don't know if it is seeing families out walking and playing together or if it is because it has been three months already.  The last couple weeks he has been extremely busy as well and our communication has diminished. I feel like every time I turn around something reminds me of him and I wish he was here.  I didn't sign up to be a single parent. 

Holding them close

Last night as I was trying to fall asleep after a very long day, I got a text message from my sister.  Her nephew had lost his battle with cancer.  Instantly my heart broke into a thousand pieces.  I may have not known him beyond my sister but he touched my life.  As her sister, I cried for her.  I wanted to be there to let her know I cared.  I know the healing process if going to be difficult.  As a parent, I can't imagine anything worse.  I can't imagine having to say good-bye to your child.  The pain they have gone through and the pain that is to come.  The battle they have fought for the last five and half years is now over.  I don't know how you put the pieces of your life back together.  His little sister is only a few months older than my oldest, I can't imagine having to explain that to her.  As a parent, I know there are difficult moments and sometimes there are things that are hard to explain to your kids, but that shouldn't be one of them.

Today, I hold my kids a little closer.  I have been blessed beyond words with two amazing girls.  They have been a gift from above.  A gift I will cherish every day of my life.