A Veteran

What is a veteran? 

To some, he is a hero. 
To my children, he is a great dad doing his job. 
To me, he is my best friend. 

I am proud of the man he has become.  Thank you for not only providing for and protecting our family but for serving and defending our country. 

Post Mission

There is a little myth called pre- and post-mission crew rest.  It is intended to give those who leave time to rest and family time before a trip or deployment without having to take leave.  I say it is a myth because I don't think there has been a single deployment that we have received either one, let alone both. 

Pre-mission?  He was home for 10 days between training and deploying.  We spent 8 of that on vacation and the rest he spent at work.  I am not going to complain.  We had a great vacation and it was nice for both of us to walk away from life here and enjoy time as a family. 

Post-mission?  He took a week when he came home if you ignore that he did go in to file paper work and see what was going on.  Then he left again for a week in which the commander said for him to take the other week this week.  He called last week and asked if he could fly today so that he could "stay current."  Of course, I agreed to staying current.  Next I know flying today, turned into playing all day yesterday.  At work he got roped into flying Thur and an event that evening.  Which also means that he needs to brief on Wed.  So his lovely week off is now...just Friday.

I think I am going to start implementing currency requirements at home. 

Home!!

He made it home safely...and is gone again. 

Coming home: As soon as we pulled into the airport the kids almost immediately figured out what we were doing.  Within moments of being at the airport the welcome home committee was talking to us and I couldn't pull off trying to keep it a secret.  Then we waited and waited and waited.  The plane landed on time but the conveyor was broke and off loading the airplane and processing them through took way longer than I would have imagined.  While we waited, I was flooded with emotions.  I was excited to see him, nervous about what was going to happen, wondered how the kids were going to handle the transition, but mostly I wondered if I could do this again.  I know it isn't the last deployment and I wonder if it would be any easier if I knew how many more were to come.  But as we waited, the kids lost interested and were done.  By the time he walked through the doors the kids were laying down on the benches.  It wasn't exactly the picture perfect moment I had envisioned.  He was home and it was time to enjoy the day.

The rest of the week: Whenever he leaves I build up a wall and I feel like I go into defense mode.  I feel like I have to "be strong" for the kids and not show them the struggles.  As much as I would like it to, the wall doesn't fall down over night.  It is hard to go back to a "normal" life.  I struggled with the transition this time around.  I can't even pin point one thing that was wrong or what was so tough about it.  I loved having him home it was just different. 

Now: He left today for a week long conference.  As much as I would love to just have him home how could I not let him go?  What was the point of deploying if you can't come back and share with others what you learned?  I want him to make a difference and pass on his knowledge.  

I told him today, well, I didn't kill any plants or kids.  I guess that makes it a successful deployment. 

Excited

I am not quite to the point where I am counting the hours but time is getting closer.  It is getting SO hard to keep it a secret from the kids.  Every morning I wake the kids up, I want to tell them get up, we are one day closer to daddy coming home!  I have bit my tongue but more and more people are asking and it is getting harder.  Every time I turn around I feel like someone is going to spoil the surprise. 

I was sure that as soon as October hit they would ask continuously when was he coming home.  Maybe it is because my answer has been the same; sometime and I don't know yet.  I think they believe that I will tell them "as soon as I find out."  Oh, I so can't wait to see their face.  They will buy leaving for the weekend.  That is nothing new.  It is stopping at the airport that is going to be hard.  I plan on telling them we have a friend to pick up but I don't know how I am going to lie to them.  I know if I can pull it off it will all be worth it. 

As much as I am completely excited that he is coming home our good friends' dad is still deployed.  I know all the kids will understand but at the same time it is going to be hard on them.  We knew this time would come before they left but I still feel guilty.  I am hoping that having him home will give the kids some much needed male attention and make their remaining time go by a little easier. 

Mechanic

I did not sign up to be a car mechanic but it seems like this last six months I have done beyond my share of car maintenance.  When I took driver's ed in high school we had to change a tire, change the oil, and a few other routine maintenance tasks.  I remember thinking there is no way I will ever have to do this after this class.  With two older brothers and a boyfriend who could do it for me why would I do it?  Trust me, I have used my male resources to help me plenty of times but sometimes I have to put my big girl panties on and do it myself.   

Today, I had to change the brake light on my car.  Since I had already received a ticket over the weekend for the light being out, I couldn't get out of fixing it.  Something I haven't done before but like so many other things, he very kindly took the time to look up what light I needed and sent me directions and pictures of what to do.  I love no matter how simple something may be he is still there to help in any way that he can.  Yes, I could have done it on my own but it is nice to know I can still count on him even when he is thousands of miles away.  I have learned to do a few new things this time around still I am so ready for my mechanic to come home. 

Almost

We are almost to the end.  Still it feels like it will never come.  No matter how many times I have done this, the last month is always the hardest.  I am so ready for him to be home and for us to be a family again.  For once, I finally feel like we have a good routine going.  I don't feel like we are rushed to get out the door in the morning.  Kids get homework done nicely and to bed on time.  The week days run like clockwork and it is nice.  Still his presence is missing.  When we sit down for dinner as a family the table is unbalanced.  I miss his laughter in the evenings.  I wish I had an extra body to be divided for soccer games and activities.  It will be nice to have someone else do the dishes for a change.  I so can't wait till his is home. 

At the same time, I am nervous about how things will change.  He never comes home at the same time.  Work can be anywhere from a normal day to a twelve hour shift.  He is coming home for a week and then leaving again.   How is that going to change our routine?  How are the kids going to handle it?  Can we work around it just as efficiently?  Can I manage getting everyone out the door in the morning with him getting ready?  I know we will find our new balance and it will take time.  I just hope he is patient with me during that transition and I am just as patient. 

School

The lazy summer days have come to a screeching halt and the kids are back to school.  The craziness has returned stronger than before.   I know that I say that every year but this year is different.  I have been babied and up to this year, the kids have always had different schedules and I have managed to not have to get them out the door at the same time.   This year, their buses come within 5 minutes of each other.  I am so not a morning person and the thought of getting the kids ready to go and out the door in 45 min was scary.  Two weeks into it, we have been ready every morning with time to spare.  Let's hope the rest of the year goes this good. 

After school, it is non-stop with homework, soccer, scouts, games, and everything else in life.  It seems like from the time they step off the bus till they go to bed there is never a dull moment.  Those moments remind me of what I love about being a mom.  It is a craziness but I enjoy most every moment of it.  It is the hours between when they get on the bus and when they get off that I seem to be struggling with.  I can't think of a time in my life when I haven't had a defined role or job, till now.  Now that I have finished school, I don't know what to do during the day.  I have longed for the day I was done and could work on all those projects I haven't had time to get to.  That has been good but I still feel like part of me is missing.  I am completely lost.  It isn't really something I expected.  I think in the back of my mind there is a fear of what if this is all?  Can I be happy just being a stay-at-home mom?  I am hoping this is just a phase and I can move on.