Anger

I logged onto facebook this morning and was bombarded with post after post of people who are mad about the possibility of a government shut-down. The way the current law is written, military individuals’ pay will be suspended until the government is up and running again. I thought for a brief moment about joining “the fight” and getting in the midst of the angry posts. Then I took a step back and looked at my life. Why lash out at that right now? I have a lot of things I can be mad at this week: my husband leaving, not getting into my internship, a final project that I totally screwed up, him missing yet another birthday, having to go to work at 6 am on a Sat morning. Some things are major, the will forever change the course of my life. I wasn’t accepted into an internship, the possibility of being an RD is in the balance. I don’t know exactly where my career will go from here. I am not sure if I can recover the screwed up assignment, there is a possibility she won’t let me “fix it” and I can fail. And some issues are small. The dishes will get done, the house will get cleaned, I can live with a little less sleep. I have learned how to control my anger. I have learned how to turn that frustration into possibilities and options. There are very few things in my life I have been handed to me. There are days I feel like I have fought for everything I have. The fight has given me drive and determination. Without that fight, I am afraid I would crumble. Without that fight, this deployment could mean six months of a dark depression. Instead, I know that I will take this time to open more doors and accomplish things I wouldn’t have done if he was here. I will move on and make the most of the situation. I am not going to lash out and be angry at something I have no control over.